Category Archives: Horror

Honey, I’m home

Mood: good,  but I’m freezin my ass off
Listening to: the TV

Yes, I’m now back from my holiday… on the ice planet of Hoth…
OK, not really, but we did drive past where the beginning of Star Wars V.. the frosen bit… was recorded.

But yeah… I’ve been away… taht’s why I havn’t been online too much…
I had but a few days visiting my mum, my brother and my dad… so I decided I’d be with them and just check out emails and stuff once a day…
But now I’m home, and it’s bloody freezing here…
it’s like the inside of the rebel base on Hoth…

I should do something to get warm…

Good to be home, ya’ll….


Happy December 1st

Mood: Good!
Listening to: The Simpson’s on TV.

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over… a new one just begun.
OK, not yet, but it’s’ only like 30 days.. Holy shit….
I, however, am already filled to the brim with Christmas spirit and I’m REALLY looking forward to spending this Christmas in the sole company of the love of my life. And it seems like he doesn’t have to work on Christmas Eve either. =D
This just keeps getting better and better ^_^

I have, also, finished my Christmas gifts. Well, there is one more I have to get, but honestly, it’s no big deal.

Finally my movie site came back too… finally…
I know he must have fought hard against the evils of the world to free himself and come back to us, but our G foiled them all! You go, G!
And it’s New and Improved site too… Looks rather fancy, if I do say so myself.

There is a lot of things going on now, so this will be a rather short entry.
I’ll elaborate more on Friday, if I have the time.

Happy happy ^_^


Yeah yeah yeah… I know…

Mood: hungry
Listening to: Good Morning, Norway….

Yeah, I know… This Sunday round-up is getting out of hand.
I seriously haven’t much to write about. Nothing has really happened..

Well, except one thing…
If you’ve read the other comments I’ve received you’d see that a site was suggested to me.

So I joined and I really love it. They have so many movies, and not just movies. Old series too, like V and Dr. Who (which made me very happy).
They even have none horror (well, kinda) movies… well, so I’ve seen one. Arsenic and old Lace..
I love that movie XD

But yeah…. If you love horror movies and like to chat to great people, then join. Yeah, you have to join to watch the movies, but it’s very painless. It’s a moments work and a little wait and then you’re sorted.


Sunday Round-up on Monday

Mood: Good
Listening to: Tiny Dancer – Elton John…

I compleetly forgot about the round up. I think I need to set an alarm or something.

But yeah… things have happened the past week.

There was the whole ugly swine flu incident and misunderstandings on my behalf. Unless they put “numbers accurate because of people in country” how am I supposed to know? I am not a mind reader yet…. as I have said many times before.

And I applied for a job… and yesterday, around 18.15 he called me and said he was very interested in the application I sent him.
I have to admit it was very good, and it did seriously not take me long to whip it up =P
But he did have some concerns… like why I have a fork lift license…
Well, I was talked into it… I got it only because I didn’t get any compassion from anyone… No one in my family said “I totally understand that you don’t want to drive, and if you don’t want to you shouldn’t…”
But instead everyone went “GO FOR IT!!!”  where upon I cried… well, not really… but I wasn’t happy…

But yeah…. I took a Carma reading..
Not a real one, but a “click on a number” Carma reading online…

Your Carma today: Decisions

You wish to do something else than what you are doing right now, or you’re in a relationship where you’re not yourself.

The time has come to make a dissuasion in your heart about what you really want to do.
Something wonderful is heading your way and you ave to trust your intuition to grasp it when the time comes.
Visualize what you want, what you wish

Earlier you have lost what you really want to do because you didn’t believe in yourself enough.
Maybe this is the new job thingie??
Maybe I’m meant to work in whatever I’m meant to work in at the job I applied for? Media? Sales? Media sales??
I don’t know… We’re having a talk one of these days. I’m just waiting for an email from him.
Oh, I saw Zombieland on Saturday..
I was very surprised that I liked it, but I did.
I didn’t think I would… but it was good…
Makes me want to kill zombies… XD

More Swine flu hysteria

I’m seriously getting pissed of at the Norwegian press!!
In the Norwegian newspaper, Dagbladet, we can read that Norway is on TOP when it comes to mortality rate when it comes to swine flu.
We’ve lost 13 people, and even though I’m not taking it lightly, THE NORWEGIAN PRESS HAS GOT TO STOP THIS NONESENSE!!!! Or at least if they are going to scare people, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!!!

Yes, we do have many deaths, but Great Britain has a total of 130 deaths…
and Spain 54. We’re on third place, so to speak, with 13… closely followed by Ireland and France with 9 deaths.
Or am I wrong in thinking that Great Britain and Spain are countries in Europe? Did they get thrown out??  Were they eradicated??? It can’t be.. I’m talking to my English friend right now… the country must still be there.

The swine flu virus has shown itself to be rather bad at killing people in general. The last update given by the European Center for Disease Prevention and Control tells us that so far 5542 people has died…
A regular seasonal flu kills, according to World Health Organisation on a yearly basis 250 000 – 500 000 people.

Personally I’m not afraid of getting this swine flu…
I wasn’t afraid of catching the bird flu either, which is much more aggressive than swine flu… I didn’t get bird flu…
I doubt that I’ll catch swine flu…

To the Norwegian Press


P.S. So Ed was right and it was per capita…
But I stull think it’s fucked up scare people…

I’m bored (Kinda a 28 Days Later movie review.. but my heart isn’t in it)

Mood: Bored
Listening to: 28 Days Later soundtrack. More specifically “In the House – In a heartbeat”
I knew I had heard it someplace before when I heard it in a Resident Evil fan thingie on youtube… And I couldn’t remember WHERE I got it from… but I wanted to watch 28 Weeks Later, and couldn’t find one that works… So I tried to listen to some music on youtube instead and there it was…  =3=  *wobbles*

But it doesn’t diminish my boredomness…. and seeing as I love to hear my own voice, I thought I’d type a little.
That’s one of the problems when I’m bored..
I get all nonsensical. And try to expand on my vocabulary.

I wasn’t planning on making this a movie review.. so I won’t put it as one.. but seeing as I’m in the 28 Days Later mood, I might as well, right?
It is a must see movie…

What would you have done if you woke up in the hospital one day and no one was around. You can’t remember anything, well hardly anything… well, except that you lost an argument with a car…
Honestly. Even though it is a good movie… well… there are things that makes me think a little..
The guy, Jim, wakes up after 28 days in a coma, yeah? Well… if everyone turned into zombies, how come he didn’t die of dehydration? Well, Lene… Not everyone turned all at once, so there would have been some people left to treat people in hospitals and stuff…
Then, why wasn’t he evacuated with the other people?
Could be that his condition were such that he couldn’t be moved? Seeing as he had massive head trauma.
well… Anyways.. Jim wanders around London, screaming HELLOOO?!??! getting very upset… Which I can totally understand. I’d be out of my mind had I woken up and no one was around, anywhere.
But he eventually meets a priest who tried to beat his ass, a guy, on fire, who wants to beat his ass… so I guess he thinks everyone hates him.. until he meets Selena and some other guy… the other guy gets bitten after they go to Jim’s parents house and they find them dead… Oh… btw.. SPOILER!!!!
So Selena killes him and they both agree that if either one gets infected that the otherone will kill him/her.
They, Selena and Jim, soon spots Christmas lights and finds people… Mr Mad Eye Moody and his daughter.
They find,on the radio, a call thingie that tells people to get their ass to someplace fast and stuff, and they all leave.
Well there they met military people.. or what’s left of a unit, I guess.. but best of all =3= Christopher Eccleston <3
The most handsome Dr Who… The Doctor… but not THE Doctor… THE Doctor is Tom Baker…
So yeah.. anyway… they find out that everyone, but the girls, are expendable… and seeing as Mr Mad Eye gets killer before they met the soldier people, that only leaves Jim to be sorted. However, he has a cunning plan… as a jet flies overhead he lies down and plays dead.
And after that Selena gives the daughter girl drugs so she won’t feel anything.. and Jim comes to save them… and he goes crazy bat shit on their asses. But he gets shot as they drive away… as those of the soldiers who doesn’t get killed by Jim gets killed by soldiers who’s been infected.. or ragefied.
There are two endings to this movie.  One where Jim dies and one where he wakes up and they are all far far far out in the country where the zombies can’t get to them without starving first.
So, if they meet a zombie with a well packed backpack they are in trouble.
OH, I almost forgot… Selena almost killed Jim because she thought he was infected.. but then she hesitates and he says “That was longer than a heartbeat” which is where this melody comes into the picture.. it is such an amazing melody…
Makes me all goose pimply…
So… in other news…
Jan rented a dumpster thingie.. huge ass dumpster thingie where we can throw all the trash we have in our house…
So already we’ve cleaned out all that’s not being used from the garage (including my bike.. bye bye XD *waves happily*) and a lot of trash that we found while taring down the old out house… things that we didn’t have room to throw last time we rented one of those dumpster thingies.
And I’ve thrown out loads of toys belonging to the kids.. and more to come tomorrow…
And I made pizza for dinner today… mmmmm… twas good.. Haven’t had it in ages and ages…
And there’s a Torchwood Marathon on TV… Of course there is now when I can’t watch it.. *sighs*
Well, I can, but I choose to stay on my computer. I prefer to watch Torchwood when I’m alone. That way I don’t have to listen to stupid comments from others.
*sighs* I’m so restless… I hate it when the movie site is down… Even if he hasn’t uploaded a movie, there is always something to do… or talk to.. or comment…
What’s happened??? D=
At least I know it isn’t my fault this time… lol
Meh, I’m going back to youtube to look at cool stuff… :3


Resident Evil I, II and III

Mood: happy
listening to: Oh.. hang on :3  Dr. Who Theme song… from the new series… *plays air guitar*

So yes… HERE BE SPOILERS!!! You have been warned..

Resident Evil I
It starts off with a nice day at the office… People run to catch elevators, busy themselves with getting to their cubicle in time and everyone is quite jovial towards one another. Well, except for that one rude guy who crashes into the guy with the coffee who gets his mugful down his shirt. But already dirty deeds have been done.
Someone has been in the lab and pilfered the T-Virus and the antivirus…. AND to make matters worse, the person has “accidentally” dropped one of the phials of T-Virus… and it’s now making its way through the ventilation system.. making the security systems go hey-wire, locks shit down and kills people by the means of drowning, gassing, decapitation and that’s about it… Still.. getting decapitated by an elevator isn’t my idea of a peaceful death.
So yeah… the Red Queen (Security system) calms down eventually and we cut to a lovely young lady in a shower… out cold. When she comes to her hair is fantastic!!! and she doesn’t seem to remember anything. Her name is Alice, but she doesn’t know that… at least I don’t think she does. Anyways.. it doesn’t matter… She starts walking around her Manson, finds a dress, puts it on and explores more, finds a drawer with guns in it which doesn’t seem to make her recoil in horror. Especially seeing as the lock mechanism in the lock box is pretty advanced. One might go so far as to suggest she might be a pro at something… So.. anyways… she goes outside and gets spooked by something, gets dragged inside by a guy, let’s for argument sake call him Matt (he’s the boss man to Ugly Betty), and seconds later soldiers crash through the windows, tackle the dude and slap handcuffs on him… How’s THAT for rape prevention? Too bad the guy is innocent… The leader of the soldier troop, One (yes, that’s what they call him), takes of his helmet and asks Alice if she’s alright and if she remembers anything.. and she says No… and he takes them down to the basement which just happens to have a train to the Umbrella Corporation… which happens to be deep in the bowels below the Manson. And they have like 2 some hours to find out what the hell happened down there and come back before the doors close forever and ever… and ever… on the train they find a new guy who also has no memory of what happened. Oh, the dude who got handcuffed don’t remember anything either. Incidentally the guy they find on the train looks just like a guy in a picture with Alice… which makes her think that just maybe they have a history.  I mean… she remembers them fumbling in bed… and then the handcuffed dude asks her if she remembers anything and she’s not sure.. I think… haziness…
Eventually they get to the place they need to be.. but it’s all shut down. So the tech guy will have to do some magic to get the system to start working… and he does it.. YAY! So just about half the assault team goes into the small corridor leading to the heart of the Red Queen… to shut her down so that they can explore. Well.. they make it into the corridor.. the system closes the doors.. and as a final “fuck you” the red queen turns on her laser beam… one looses his fingers… one gets cut in two at the waste… one gets her head cut of.. and the last one, One, gets diced up… literary.. I’m not kidding… the laser turns into a grid and it dices him up… To me it’s pretty awesome.. =D But then I’m into the gory stuff ^_^ Mr. Tech guy works his fingers to the bone to get the laser to stop lasering and get the doors opened just as One’s pieces slides to the floor. And of course the bad ass “I stand totally alone, I hate the world” chick, Rain, is pissed off at the techy guy, unrightly so, in my eyes.. he can’t help it if the red queen is sneaky. But yeah.. she’s all scowls and basically very ugly looking. I mean… Alice looks quite normal. When she’s pissed off you can tell she’s pissed of… she doesn’t scowl and basically look very ugly… maybe Rain could have played the “I hate the world” bit down a tad and she’d be looking nice… instead of a retard, I mean… I guess that’s “strong” women for you.
Anyways… they manage to lock down the red queen.. but not before the hologram of her tells them they will all die down there.  Upon their shutting down everything they really do shut down everything.. Everything from locks to doors etc. So.. whatever died down there, was made down there etc.. is on the lose. (I know there is something there because earlier they walked past a water filled lab with a person hovering amazingly in the middle of view… and as they walk away the person opens her eyes and touches the glass… so something is alive down there)
The soldier people talk and then they hear something, Rain goes to check it out, sees a lab type person, tells the person they’ll get her out and stuff… and the person bites Rain on the hand as thanks… Rain, being the lovable person she is, responds by shooting the living crap out of her… that is if the person had any living crap. The other soldier people come to and ask her why she shot the poor lady and Rain gets all pissy, scowls even more and tells them that the person got hostile. Personally, I don’t blame the person to take a chunk out of her… not with her sour disposition.
So yeah.. it becomes quite clear that the place is swarming with dead people. So they make a hasty retreat. However, I think they go back to charge up the red queen first… I’m not sure… damn, I should have taken notes.. XP
Well… on their way they run into masses of zombies, more zombies, zombie dogs, mutants and super mutants. And Alice starts to remember more and so does handcuff guy, who is actually there to find his sister.. who just happens to be Alice’s contact… Back story is that they were trying to get the T-virus out and destroy the Umbrella corporation. However, the guy Alice was supposed to be married to was working for the corporation, thwarted Alice in her attempts to get the virus, and broke the phial of virus that killed all the people down there. So he’s quite clearly the baddy.
Oh.. and Rain, quite justly, turns into a zombie too. I know people love her for her tough RAWRACTIONGIRL persona.. but I just think she could have done it without looking constipated.
OH… and the bad guy gets ravaged by big BIG mutant, who mutates even more and comes for the rest of them.
Anyways.. The bitten and scratched gets the antivirus, but sadly it doesn’t work.. so Rain goes RAWR and finally A SMILE! even if the teeth are all narly and ugh..
Let’s just say that in the end Alice and Matt are the only ones standing.. and they get out with 13 seconds to spare.. But then they get jumped by spacemen!!! no, just kidding… Umbrella corporation medical team in space suits. Seeing as Matt was clawed by the uber monster he’s starting to mutate too.. *tear* as Alice is beside herself, kicking ass, while screaming his name. *tear more*
They are taken away, and she later comes to in a room with tubes sticking out from basically everywhere. No one seems to want to come to her aid, so she has to to stuff herself, rips the tubes out, hot wires the door and walks into the chaotic streets. No one is there. Cars have crashed.. headlines say “Dead come back to life” or something like that.. and end movie.
Cameo in this movie is Jason Isaacs. He got the narrator sexy voice and Dr. Blue Eyes at the end of the movie.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (Resident Evil II)
It starts with people going nuts.. It’s the first time I’ve seen the whole thing, and I can’t remember EVERYTHING that happens… But I think we see a spunky woman, not her face, obviously… getting dressed like Lara Croft.. or kinda like you’d imagine Alice would dress if given a choice. So she, the woman, wanders in to a police station and starts shooting dead people… and you think YAY!! YOU KICK ASS, ALICE!!! until you see her face and you see it’s not Alice at all… kinda disappointing.. but I guess Valentine is OK.. if you’re a guy…
Then we see the end of the last movie.. Alice waking up, ripping the tubes and escaping the hospital to the mean deserted streets..
And as the Umbrella Corporation figures out that people are getting ugly… as in turning into zombies… they pick up everyone who just happen to be important… One of the scientists have a daughter, who gets picked up, but the car gets trashed by a truck and well.. it’s up to some soldiers to find her… One of the soldiers is Oded Fehr, in this movie Olivera…(in The Mummy – Ardeth Bay (nommie))
Anyways… the streets are dangerous… the people are zombies, no where is safe.. not even church… A gaggle of teethy, nasty, clawing, long tongued mutants have taken residence in one of them and is picking off people, one by one… until Alice crashed through the window on a motorbike and saves people. She is now fully clothed, is fully armed with nice guns and is mean… rawr… and Valentine gets all bitchy because this woman has stolen her kick ass style and is moving in on her turf “Who the hell are you?” *hair toss*
They get a call from the father of the girl and take on the assignment to find her.. They make it to the school, with the exception of Alice who had to take on an uber cool mutant which is totally bad ass…
But Valentine, TJ (a guy from the police station..) and a news lady (doesn’t matter, she dies) gets there, finds the girl.. and for some reason every kid in school is dead.
Now, I have to admit that I watched this on youtube.. which has a lot of idiotic comments attached. Like in the first movie.. when the guy “dropped” the phial of the T-Virus one person got all “WHY DID HE DO THAT????” Think, man! It was intentional… And in this one.. “Why would they bring zombie dogs to a school full of children?”  Ever think that the dogs were ok when they got there and THEN turned into zombie dogs??? Do I have to think of EVERYTHING???
But yeah… Valentine and TJ meets up with the soldiers, Carlos Olivera and Nicholai Ginovaeff, but sadly Nicholai dies. Valentine finds the girl and meets up with some zombie dogs.. in the school kitchen… She has no more bullets so she turns on the gas, and as they run out she lights a match and throws it in, but it goes out. Luckily Alice turns up, flicks a cigarette into the gas mass and it goes poof.. in slow mo… as she whips a fire blanket over her and the girl.. and Valentine gets flung across the room. And then Alice and the girl, who is the spitting image of the red queen from the hive in the first movie, has a heart to heart. And lo and behold.. the girl has the t-virus AND the antivirus.
So they make their way back to the girls father, who just got caught by some doctor dude… apparently it’s illegal to want your kid safe in times of zombie infestations.. *shrug*
It seems the only thing the doctor really wanted was Alice. To come there and fight huge mutant thing… which turns out is Matt from the other movie. I guess too much t-virus.. or too much antivirus is a bad thing. But he’s a VERY cool mutant. Kinda reminds me of Mr. Grin from one of those Hell box movie thingies… Hellraiser. Mr. Grin from Hellraiser.
but yeah…. they fight… and Alice finds it hard to kill the poor sod… And again Mr. Mutant Matt finds out some things about his “bosses” and gets a little pissed off. Well… eventually he helps them escape by sacrificing his own life *tear*
And the doctor dude gets tossed to the zombies. And there’s another doctor dude there called Dr. Isaacs. (trivia you have no interest in but amuses me: The director is a friend of Jason Issacs and named Dr. Issacs after him.. ) He wants Alice… and lucky for him, he gets her. As they fly away in the helicopter something happens and a thing flies towards the girl and Alice jumps in front of her to save her life… They find the helicopter crashed and Alice’s body, apparently dead.
However… a few months or weeks later she wakes up in a fish tank… and is brought out of the water by Dr. Isaacs. She is all wtf? at first, but then she remembers everything, kicks some ass and escapes. And on the way out she finds out she has awesome powers of telekinetic nature and kills a security guard just by looking at the camera.
On the outside Valentine, TJ (yes, he survived *shock*) and Olivera for her and take her away. But it’s clean that the corporation has done something to her… end movie…

Resident Evil: Extinction (Resident Evil: III)
It’s all dry… the earth as we know it is dry. People are zombies.. the ones who survived are moving around to escape getting eaten.
A convoy started by some chick is trucking through the deserts of America… along with her are loads of kids, TJ (yeah, he’s still hanging in there) and Olivera…
Alice is there too.. not with the convoy, but in the deserts… She gets captured by some people who are truly fucked in the head. For their own enjoyment they toss people who respond to their “distress” call into a pit with zombie dogs… but of course Alice is smart and escapes…
Eventually the convoy and Alice meet up… Luckily it’s in the middle of a zombie crow attack.. and she flambes all the crows with a flamethrower and her telecethingie… Olivera is happy, at least…
But yeah… as soon as the convoy chick finds out some stuff, she wants Alice to leave. Because.. in a convoy there can only be one hot chick..
Anyways… they decide to go to Alaska.. but have to go to Las Vegas first to get food and gas.
Unfortunately the zombies are clown zombies too.. because they are all hiding in a clown container… which works just like a clown car… it’s amazing how many can fit into that container thingie… but yeah… almost all of them gets whipped out. Oh.. and TJ gets turned into a zombie… and he bites Olivera before he dies…
And the corporation is there too.. and they manage to somehow turn Alice off.. in the middle of a zombie battle they turn her off… but she fights it.. and finds out where they are.. kills people and stuff, but Dr. Isaacs manages to escape.. but gets bit… and od’s on antivirus.. and mutates.. into.. tentacle man… with sonic boom rawr…
But yeah.. They find out where the corporation is holding up… basically it’s just follow the stench of rotting zombie flesh.. duh… but seeing as the zombies all of a sudden can’t climb stuff (even though they climbed the Eiffel tower in Las Vegas with ease) all the zombies are standing outside the fence leading to the place where the Umbrella stuff is staying.
So.. Olivera gets a plan… seeing as he is going to die anyways, might as well go out with a bang.. so he jumps into one of the trucks, loads it up with TNT and crashed into zombies… prays for one last weed, finds it and lights the fuse.. and goes out with a bang…
This paves the way for the rest of the people who jump in the helicopter and takes of to Alaska.. save Alice.. who has some ass to kick…
She meets Dr. Tentacle man and they have it out… And Alice finds a copy of herself.. in a fish tank.. and it bursts.. so now there are two.. but the fish tank one dies… so one is left..
And then they fight some more and end up in the corridor with the laser thingie from the first movie.. and Dr. tentacle face is all HAH! I WILL KILL YUUU!!! and Alice laughs and say “we’ll both die down here” and the laser starts up… turns into a grid and slices Mr tentacle man into pieces. And the beam stops miraculously just in front of Alice.. and we see fish tank Alice standing by the controls…
Then.. in Japan… the corporation is all “ZOMGWHATAREWEGONNADOWE’REGONNADIE!” and some dude tells them to chill out or soemthing and Alice beams in and tells them she’ll be right over with a few friends.. and you see Alice and fish tank Alice looking at row after row of Alice’s.. many many rows…
And end movie…

Hope you enjoyed it..




I think I might have written a review of this one before, but it’s so crap it deserves another viewing…

The only cool thing about this movie is when the one chick explodes. But honestly, it’s like… if I watch this movie I’ll have wasted like 80 some minutes of my life, and I’ll never get them back.. If you’re anything like me and you have to see the monster to be scared, you are going to be SO disappointed. The monster… you barely get to see it, and when it’s in full view it’s out of focus. That’s mainly because of the camera dude, Hud, is total crap camera dude. Honestly!!! If you come face to face with a fucking monster that has just invaded your city AND killed a friend and you get a chanse to film the fucking thing, YOU DON’T FILM YOUR FRIENDS BEING “SCARED”!!!! unless, of course, you’re a MORON!!! (Things are not looking good for you, Hud).
Ok, so I’ll talk alittle about the movie. It starts with a home video, if I’m not too mistaken. Happy man, happy woman and then a party. Someone screws up. Happy man becomes unhappy man. The only thing I’, envious of is that the guy, ex-happy, get to escape it all and go to Japan. Well, that’s was the plan.. or I’ve totally fucked up the story. Not that it matters. The story is weak and doesn’t really matter or worth taking a notise of. It slowly and lazily trotts along, absentmindedly dropping hints of nothing interesting what so ever all through the movie.
Well, anyway… At the party happy woman leaves becaise of something only a gossip would find interesting and then suddenly somethings, people get scared and run. And they run and run and at a bridge something smashes it with its tail. People get scared and run and run and finally they calm the fuck down. Then they figure out that they are gonna pick up happy woman at her flat. Distressed phonecall “Zomg, I’m trapped. Zomg, I’m gonna die” bitch moan. They then come almost face to face with the monster. I say almost because you can’t see shit! Well… legg and an arm…. But legs and arms do not a monster, at least a crappy one, make. So they escape into the underground subway and decide to walk to where happy woman lives. On the way they get attacked by mini monsters and one of them get bitten. That’s about the only exciting bit so far. They come to a mall or something and the army gets them. They are taken away to a make-shift hospital thingie where loads of mamed, mangled and dead people are being kept/helped. There is a scuffle and suddenly the bitten chick gets taken behind a screen while people are crying “We have a bite!” or something like that… and she explodes.
Again… only exciting bit…
After that it goes down hill. The stuff that happens are boring. They save happy woman from her flat where she’s been impaled, and they are taken away by the army in helicopters. But the monster isn’t finished hazzling this small group of people. And while all the escapees are happy, the monster makes them all crash.
The camera guy gets eaten, not that the filming improves a bit after that…
To be quite honest… I’ve lost interst at this point. The two remaining people say their goodbyes to the camera and I think an a-bomb goes off a few blocks away from them.
And then you see more home movie stuff and in the background you can see the monster splashing in water. Weather it came from the deep or from space I don’t know… and I don’t care.
Yeah… so…. do yourself a favour… watch something else… interesting…
Oh, and the shaking hand camera syndrom thingie supposed to make you feel seasick… it doesn’t… it’s just annoying.. and you want to throw shit at the screen…

The Exorcist

*Shrieks* *screams*
*Runs away horrified and hides*

The Host

First off I’d like to say that this is a Korean horror movie, and when I was watching the movie and read the plot thingie for this movie, it said that it was about a sea monster, holding a young girl hostage.
Also I’d like to say that I don’t have the privilege of knowing the Korean language intimately except maybe “kam sam mida” (I probably misspelled it) which means thank you, if I’m not too mistaken.. so seeing as that’s the range of my Korean knowhow, you see the problem watching a Korean movie… without subtitles…
Oh, and one more thing… HERE BE SPOILERS!

The thing that caught my eye about this movie was how it started. A scientist or something told his co-worker to dump gallons upon gallons of formaldehyde down the drain. The poor co-worker didn’t want to do it, seeing as it would kill just about everything… The (now mad in my eyes) scientist told the guy to do it, because the bottles were covered in dust… so I’m assuming they never used them anyway… This first bit was in English, btw, so I understood that, but my memory is somewhat gapy at this point… anyways… the co-worker goes ahead and dumps the liquid into the sink, and the fumes and smoke rising from it could, I believe, strip a room of paint and wallpaper in 3 seconds flat…

Cut to two fishermen standing in a river, and I’m now assuming this is the river where the stuff was dumped, and one of them sees something, grasps his cup to catch the thing, and he does (YAY). They both stand there ogling it, and one stupidly puts his finger into the cup and screams bloody murder when the thing nips him.  And he then drops the cup, and the thing makes its escape.

Cut to… a guy in a kiosk, slumped over the candy DEAD!!!! Or asleep… one cannot tell, seeing as he doesn’t move. A young child sneaks up to the counter, hand hovering over the goodies, then runs away when an older guy comes along and picks out a few beers from the fridge. The dead guy wakes up, looks around and puts his head back down.
Then something happens to stoke the fire under his ass, cause he suddenly gets his ass in gear, running around and falling down. A teenaged girl comes into frame, and the guy is very pleased to see her. Seeing as I have no idea what they are talking about, I’m assuming this guy is brother/uncle/father to this girl and she is… well, you get the idea… The old guy will be called gramps, cause he’s the oldest there…
She jumps into the trailer/kiosk to watch TV with gramps, to watch archery contest where apparently her mother/sister/aunt is competing. While all this is happening, the sleepy guy is running around making grilled octopus (minus one tentacle, which sleepy guy stole) for the masses outside in the park. He then proceeds to serve the masses beer and grilled octopus. But hark, the masses aren’t hungry… they are watching something odd… Turn camera to show what they are watching. A thing, hanging from a bridge. The thing uncurls and splashes into the water and swims gingerly over to the masses. The masses start to chatter, and sleepy guy throws a can of beer into the water. The thing snaps it up like it was a chameleon. This makes the masses go wild with excitement, and they start throwing loads of stuff into the water. Apparently this displeases the creature, and it jumps out of the water and starts attacking the masses. The only thing I can say is that it kind of looks like a coelacanth, with massive upper arm muscles and no hind limbs. Oh, and a four-five cleft mouth.
The girl inside the trailer with gramps is very disappointed when sister/aunt/mother doesn’t win the contest, and she walks out, unaware of the turmoil around her. Then suddenly, out of the blue, sleepy guy grabs her by the arm and they run like hell… (I have to say that loads have happened in the meantime, but I can’t be bothered to review ALL of it) but unfortunately sleepy guy stumbles and looses the grip on girl. He grabs the nearest hand he can find, without looking, of course, and starts running again. From the camera angle you can already tell that he grabbed the wrong person, and as the camera angle changes, a girl, looking nothing like THE girl, comes into view. Someone picks her up and gives sleepy guy the look of “Oh, you kidnapping bastard! Keep your hands of her!” and as the sleepy guy realizes his mistake, he turns, and watches as the big fishie runs up behind her, grabs her by its tail and jump into the water. In horror the sleepy guy watches as the shadow of the fish swims across the river and walks ashore on the other side, harks up a previous human meal and noms the girl.
Thinking her dead, they all gather at a makeshift “Place where you can find a picture of all the people who died”. Sleepy guy is sobbing uncontrollably, gramps is most miserable, and suddenly there is a new guy there. I’m assuming he’s the girls other uncle or something, and out of the blue sister/mother/aunt archery contester enters, and they all make a terrible scene in front of the picture of THE girl. Then, the authorities, in their kindness, kick everybody out… well, except the people who have been in contact with the water and/or the fish.  They are taken to someplace. I really don’t know what it is and why they are there. I’m assuming the Korean authorities don’t like big fish and will keep everyone who has seen large fish in hospital conditions forever and ever. (I must add that on the bus ride to the hospital place, they watched an infomercial about REALLY bad acne attacks… go figure… (I’m guessing too much fish isn’t good for you)). While sleepy guy is munching on canned… something… his cell phone rings, and lo and behold, I think, it’s THE girl. SHE’S NOT DEAD! And this makes them, of course, run away.

Cut to The girl in a pit, all alone, with dead bodies all around. In the distance she hears the fish come home from a hard day at work and she hides in a hole in the wall.
(Again, my memory escapes me).

Cut to… the family of The girl trying to find a way to find the girl and so on… oh, and try to stay one step ahead of the authorities… They walk into a sewer system, calling, I think , for the girl. They sure as heck don’t know how to use a flashlight, because they were turning the flashlight back and forth like mad. I couldn’t see anything, and it’s not really amazing that they didn’t find anything either. They gathered at a large room, and thought they saw something, but it turned out to be a young boy and a younger boy, which they didn’t see. We follow the two young kids out of the sewers and up in the banks. A car drives past and they hide. When they come out of hiding the fish comes at them and nomnomnom…
They are taking back to the pit where the girl is being held and it turns out that the younger of the two survived. The girls takes it upon herself to care for him and keep him from harm, which in its self is kinda hard when there’s a large fish ready to eat you at any point.

The family take refuge in the old trailer, make dinner and sleep a little. That is, till sleepy guy notices large fishie sitting outside, face upturned, drinking rainwater. Gramps takes aim with a gun, which I don’t remember where comes from, and shots the darn thing. Unfortunately this doesn’t kill the beast, only makes it angry, and it attacks the trailer, turning it on its side with the whole family inside. They all burst out of the trailer, guns blazing, and the thing runs off. They head down to the riverside to catch it before it vanishes into the murky depths. And they do. The thing comes running at gramps, who is telling the others to get the heck out of there (I’m assuming. He could have told them to get some bait, for all I know. Or, which would be more understandable, a sushi chef). Seeing as gramps doesn’t have any more bullets in his gun, sleepy guy tell him he has one left (I think… ) and hands him his gun. He turns to the beast, aims and shots. *click* (and we see sleepy guy count on his fingers) they both realize gramps is f*cked. The fish munches gramps, then grab him with its tail and bash him to the ground, just for the hell of it. Needless to say, gramps is dead… Sister/aunt/mother and other guy runs away, while sleepy guy can’t make himself leave gramps… much like Sam won’t/can’t leave Frodo…
So… Sleepy guy is taken away to a hospital thingie again. And this is the only part where I understood what was going on… An American comes into the room, with an interpreter. He says that “we think your daughter is alive” (OOOooh… ) “If you knew why didn’t tell anyone?” and the sleepy guy says “No one never listens to me” and this is when my boyfriend came into the room and started talking to me, so I missed SO much. But I did hear something about sleepy guy having a virus, and that the virus had reached his brain and that they had to drill his head… ask me not why… I’m guessing to find a cure. Next thing we see if sleepy guy screaming bloody murder while people are setting drill points on his forehead and stuff. Thankfully we don’t see the drilling, but after this we see him slumped in a chair, band aid on forehead, looking kinda beat. And a nurse is taking some blood from him. Why, I don’t know. I would think they got enough blood from him while they were drilling in his brain. She nudges him to make him come to, but he won’t budge. Then HAHA! he wakes up, grabs the syringe and takes the nurse hostage. He threatens the others to either stand still and lie down or get out of the way and stand still, cause they were all as confused as I were… They didn’t seem to know which way to turn. But they get out of the hospital trailer into a parking lot with a barbeque. He gets away. Sister/aunt/mother has been hiding in a bridge hole and comes out, determined to find the girl. The other guy was almost handed over to the authorities, I think, when his office co-workers turned on him. He managed to escape too, with the plans over the sewer system. Well, he almost gets caught on the streets when police cars drive into frame, but he jumps over a fence and falls far but he manages to text message sister/aunt/mother to let her know where the find the girl before he passes out.

The girl and the boy are having a hard time in the pit. There is no way to get out, but girl is very resourceful, taking a baton from one of the dead people and tie clothes to it. She throws it up on a grid which is over the pit and it holds (yay). Unfortunately, it’s too short. This is when the beast comes back, and the kids run into the hole. She covers his eyes while the beast vomits tons and tons of bones of all the people he has eaten, and… a can of beer (it still had its fizz). A little later the beast is sleeping, and the kids dare to venture out of the hole. The girl picks up the beer can and throws it at the beast. It doesn’t move, so she’s assuming it’s fast asleep. She then runs up its back and grabs the clothes and start to climb. Halfway up we hear growling, and we see her hand slip of the make shift rope, but she doesn’t fall. We then get a wide view of the beast holding the girl in its tail. It puts her down and continues its slumber, or so we are lead to believe. The girl runs over to the boy and they try to make it into the hole but we see massive jaws clamp around them, and then darkness.

Father has made his way to the pit, crawls down into it, sees the girl’s school jacket, and then crawls back out.
Other guy wakes up on the streets and starts talking to a homeless guy not far from him, telling him, I think, that he needs his empty beer bottles to save the environment, but the homeless guy doesn’t like this and smashed an empty bottle over the head of the guy. But the soon make peace with each other; take a taxi to the river, to the horror of the taxi driver, seeing as they are making Molotov cocktails in the backseat.
Sister/aunt/mother has made her way to the sewer, seen the beast, tried to hit it with an arrow, got knocked off her feet into a ditch… she wakes up to the screams of sleepy guy and see the beast run out of the sewer system.

On the other side of the river the authorities have made a vaccine to a virus… of course there are people protesting this, seeing as the distribution of said vaccine is dumping it on people from a huge yellow thing.
Needless to say the party is short lived when the creature runs ashore, killing people… again…
The vaccine is dumped on the beast, and its back fin drops off… and it’s a flapping fish.
So many things are going on; it’s hard to put it all in the right order… But the homeless guy manages to climb above the creature and starts dumping the gasoline on the creature. It thinks it is rain and guzzles it down. The other guy, who has been Molotoving the hell out of the creature just seconds before, has one cocktail left. When he sees the beast drinking the gasoline, he smiles evilly (although, we don’t get to see it, but that’s what I would have done) and runs up to the creature, ready to throw the last bottle. Unfortunately, his fingers slip and the last bottle smashes to the ground behind him. Fortunately, Aunt/mother/sister has one arrow left, picks up a flaming marshmallow (that’s what it looks like, anyway) and fires it into the mouth of the beast. What they didn’t count on was that the fish doesn’t like being on fire and it soon runs around like its hair was on fire. Sleepy guy grabs a signpost, smashes the concrete base and flicks away the sign bit, and stand ready to impale the beast. And he does. Oh, I have forgotten to tell you about the part where the beast passes out and sleepy guy pulls the girl out of the beast’s mouth. She’s holding the boy. This happens before the beast guzzles gasoline.

After the beast is dead they are holding the girl, mourning her. But then sleepy guy walks over to the boy and nudges him. HE’S ALIVE!
After this they live in the old trailer, selling stuff and eating when they want to, and keeping an eye out for any creatures that don’t belong on this earth.

The End