Category Archives: Action

Dracula Untold *SPOILERS*

So, in his spare time, Bard from “The Hobbit” is moonlighting as a prince. And he takes Turks. I don’t blame him. I have yet to hear of one that can be trusted.

So Vlad the Impaler gets in trouble with the Turks who wants his boys, every boy in his country, to fight for them. And weaved into the tapestry of history there is something dark.

I’m afraid that all I’ll take away from this movie is “Never trust a Turk” and they are greedy bastards. No, not just back in the day. Now, too.  Go on, prove me wrong. Make my mothers deadbeat boyfriend go to Turkey and sell her apartment… like he said he would AGES AGO!!! All this without bitching and moaning about not having money. Go on. Prove me wrong! Need more examples? How about her first Turkish boyfriend who admitted to only wanting to marry her so he could get a green card. How about the next one? The one that physically attacked her and then gladly took things of hers that were valuable. I guess you could call that stealing. So why didn’t she call the police? Would you? They aren’t trustworthy either. So please. Prove me wrong.

Enough of them for now, though. One plus to the movie. Charles Dance is in it. He is the Master Vampire. It is somewhat difficult to see under all the make-up, but it’s him. He is a great bad guy.

OK, so Vlad drank the blood of Master after he gave him a story about how, if he managed to go three days without drinking blood, he’d go back to his old self. And then, after he has drunk the blood he asks “What now?” and the Master says “You die…”. Does that mean that if he does manage to not drink blood he’ll die since he’s already dead? So many questions.

And he can turn into a flock of bats.. I get serious Van Helsing vibes from Vlad. They should have called the movie Van Dracula vs The Turks instead.
It started out as a nice story. Now it’s just meh. It just turned very meh. And we’re not even halfway.
No! No no no no!! It’s supposed to be the CANINE TEETH!!! Not the incisors! I hate it when they get that wrong. Why did they shy away from canine teeth? There’s a reason they are pointy.. and there’s a reason incisors are NOT pointy. They are for cutting.. canines are for puncturing! GAH!! When did they stop doing that? Is it all Vampire Diaries fault? Ugh. Such rage. It looks STUPID!!!!
And they got the impaling wrong too. It was a punishment and the person being impaled was impaled through the arse, thought the body and out the neck. Of course I don’t know if that was practiced on the battlefield in the middle of a war. I’ve forgotten a lot of the story about Vlad. I know he was taken by the Turks when he was a kid. But I can’t remember if the Turks taught him the art of impaling.
And they are using, seemingly, Lord of the Rings surplus swords. Good thing nothing goes to waste.
300 got nothing on Vlad.
OK! Plot twist.
Vlad turns everyone into vampires. Didn’t see that one coming.
So, the Turks are beaten and Vlad kills “his people” by making the sun come out (because Dracula has the power to make it cloudy).
But Vlad is then saved by his human servant.
Cut to modern day. Vlad finds Mina, the spitting image of his dead wife. And Charles Dance looking gorgeous in a suit. I thought Master Vampire was supposed to die or something when Vlad drank blood. Or was that just to release him from the cave he was in. Oh well…
He says something about games and to let them begin. Will there be yet another Dracula movie?
I hope not.
Let’s just say that I’ve shied away from vampire things of late. They aren’t good. They don’t get the teeth thing right and that pisses me off. I’ll stick to Hammer vampires and Coppola’s Dracula. Those were good ones.
But that said. The acting was good and all. Story was good. Everything was OK. But I don’t know.. It didn’t keep me on tenterhooks. It was just there and yeah. 5/10
Unless you’re really into vampires and don’t care about the teeth, watch it.

Resident Evil: Afterlife, a Lene review.


The movie starts off pretty bumping. Japan, in the wain, a person attacking people. This is where the other movie left off, where Alice contacted whomever and said she was coming. Well, she came and not in the delicious way. So she, all of hers, kick some hapanese ass. We also get introduces to Wesker, again.. not as cool as in the game, but pfft. And later we meet Chris, also from the game… and some people seemingly infected by the Umborosboros, from the game… and the huge dude with the giant axhammer..
Anyways… Alice goes to Alaska, to find Arcadia, but finds only Clair Redfield from the other movie. She has a strange metal bug on her chest that is making her go nuts, but Alice manages to kick her ass. She removes the bug and they fly to Hollywood… like you do… There they find survivors and crash their plane into the jail where the survivors are holding up. Most of the survivors are OK, except for the douchbag… THey all think they are safe until they find out they aren’t. So they decide to let Chris lead them to safety. Appearently he was put in jail by someone.. I think it was the prisoners… like a final “Fuck you, pig” like thing.. Not that he is police… he be army.. or something… can’t remember.. didn’t have much sleep last night.. I’ll tell you all about it in the round-up tomorrow.. *sighs*
ANYWAY!!!! Chris says he knows how they can get out of jail, because appearently the army had a secret gun stash hidden IN JAIL!!! So.. seeing as the basement is filled with water that they have to go through to get to the gun room.. a few of them go.. Chris, Alice and a chick who swam in school… to get guns..while some dude is trying to keep the huge big dude with the axhammer from smashing through the front gate and flood the compound with infected another dude is looking at the van Chris was talking about to get them out. The motor has been taken out of it… and the douchbag figures out that if he is to live he needs to get his ass out.. so he shoots the dude and steals the plane Alice and Clair came in.
Needless to say the huge dude with the axhammer manages to rip the gates down… and the jail gets infested by infected… so the survivors decide to escape through the hole the infected came in through… Yeah, they did get in.. Never seen a tunneling zombie? yeah, they get in and kill the chick swimming with Chris and Alice… *shrug*
They eventually get out, but they lose a few people along the way.
They get to the Arcadia… which is a boat and NOT the promised land, and as they investigates they see the Umbrella emblem, and Clair starts to remember… that they got to Alaska and as they landed people arrived in smaller boats to help them out.. and they attacked them and planted metal bugs on them. A door opens and General Ackbar is all “IT’S A TRAP!!” Ok, so Alice is all “It’s a trap”. Now… if I think something is a trap I head the other way.. and fast.. but not them.. They have people to save.. and they do… And then Alice finds Wesker and his puppies. Let’s just put it like this: “Shit gets killed”, the heros win.. but only just.
There will be another movie. If not then that cliffhanger will get the director killed.
All in all it’s an OK movie. I do feel that they are trying too hard.. or not hard enough.,. I don’t know. I like it, but I don’t know. I guess I didn’t see enough zombies… and I missed not having any lickers there.. or any cool monsters… just the huge dude with the axhammer.
One thing that annoyed me was how they almost carbon copied the fight between Wesker and Chris at the end. Almost exactly like the one in Resident Evil 4, the game. At least I think it was 4.
There is also alot of Matrixy stuff in it.
Oh, well… If you have an hour and a half to spare and you want to watch something where you don’t have to think, be my guest. Personally I like the two first movies more.



Piranha 3D, a Lene review

Let it be known that I did not get to see the whole movie, and I have been scouting for it so that I could see the whole thing.
I came in right before the half way mark, when people on a boat were having fun with tequila and cameras. It became appearent to me pretty soon why this movie was made, and I could imagine this conversation between the ideamakers of this movie:
A:”So, how can we make a movie with boobs in it?”
B:”I don’t know. Where do you usually find alot of boobs?”
*long pause*
B:”Girls, alcohol, wet t-shirts,boobs, douchbags, boobs, more alcohol, bikinis, tits in 3D coming at you, more tits, some blood and gore, boobs and fish.”
A:”Sounds good to me..”
B:”I just love boobs so much” *cries*

from what I’ve read ib ImDb, there was an earthquake…and it created a rift to a lake within a lake, freeing piranha’s from days gone by… like a million years ago or something. They are alot more agressive than their amazonian relatives, so they soon start to eat everything within sight. The police find out and try to stop springbreakers from bathing in the lake where the piranha’s are, but young people being young people, they are stupid and don’t listen to reason.
There is also a backstory, as there always is, but it’s boring.
The movie does have a few celebs:
Richard Dreyfuss
Elisabeth Shue
Christopher Lloyd
Jerry O’Connell to mention a few.
Kinda distracting to have Lloyd in a movie that’s not Back to the FUture. You keep expecting him to exclaim “GREAT SCOTT!” when something happens.

Let me just say that… if you want to watch boobs, blood and things that could never happen, and I don’t mean the piranha’s, but just the way people die…. like one chick got her hair caught in a boats propeller and she douch in the boat tried to start it, and eventually he managed to start the boat, and it ripped the chicks face and hair clean off. It gave me a good laugh, though.
Honestly, I’m disapointed. It’s not like I expected a tender love story or anything, but they could have made a movie consisting of more than boobs.
But this is just my opinion. You might love the movie…and if you do, odds are you’re a guy. As a girl I don’t see the facination with boobs flapping through water. That’s part of the 3D effect, by the way. It kinda works, but not all the way because you don’t have the right equipment. If I did get a 3D player and TV and all that, I might get the full effect…not that I’d enjoy it…cause it’s basically boobs.

So… watch it or don’t watch it… I don’t care, really.

The Day of the Triffids (2009)

The Day of the Triffids (2009) a movie review.. a bit here and there.. not really that well written…

**SPOILER** **SPOILER** **SPOILER** **SPOILER** **SPOILER** and bad language…

is you don’t get it there’s no hope for you…
but to begin..
O! M! G!
I mean.. there is probably some reason why one shoudn’t remake classics, but if the remake has Eddie Izzard in it, I don’t see the problem… I don’t, frankly, care if people find it bad etc.. it has Eddie Izzard in it for fuck sake.
But honestly, it’s not a remake remake, seeing as the meteor shower that made people blind and which signaled the comming of the Triffids in the 1962 movie is in this one a sunstorm. There is still a guy who’s had his eyes operated on, but this guy seems to be a doctor, specialized in Triffids (well, that’s handy). Seems this they have been on earth for ages and has come to a “symbiotic relationship” with humans. And it seems that “Triffid Oil” helped earth from global warming.
But back to the important bit. Eddie Izzard. About 10 min. or so into the moive we meet him on a plane. He was asleep through the whole sunstorm thing so he is the only one on the plane who can see. As soon as he wakes up it seems that he gets the situation and starts saving his own ass. And I love it. You know me. I love bad guys. He was somewhat badguy in “My super ex-girlfriend” but that doesn’t really count because what he did he did out of love. But is it love in this movie too, me thinks. Love for himself, love of life and wanting to survive and I fankly see nothing wrong with that.
But yeah… he does have that “I am a bad guy” look to him. Even with make-up. I think it’s the eyebrows. They are so devlish XD
But yes… Maybe a little power trippy too, but that alright. I think he might be wanting the “ruler of the world” title, but that’s alright too…
But honestly, besides Eddie and daughter Redgrave it seems they threw everything but the kitchen siink at this thing to see if anything would stick.
For an over two hour long movie it is filled with somewhat boring stuff.
I wonder if they used ome of the old BBC series as a guide thingie too. I never really payed much attention to the series becuse.. well… I like the good old movie best…
I read a, os should I said I looked briefly at a comment thing about this 2009 remake on imDb, and it saud it was shit. This person clearly don’t enjoy the brilliance that is Eddie Izzard. I guess I’m just a huge ass fan of his.
I kinda get the “28 days later” vibe from this. The only thing missing in this movie is that the people who gets killed by the Triffids stay dead and don’t come back to life, which would make it even more thrilling. XD
What I don’t get is why it’s being called horrible when clearly it’s brilliantly made.
ex. As I said Eddie is a bad guy and when he meets Major Roker (Jason Priestley), who wants to help the blind and thus puts spanners in Torrence’s (Eddie) wheels, he does what he sees fit and undermines him, takes over and convinces Jo (Redgrave daughter) to make an emergency broadcast thing on the radio. As he is talking about how pleased Roker will be about it and stuff the camera pans over and several faces of Eddie appears (two faced, double crossing… speaking with forked tongue, if you will (in case it escaped you)).
Well, I thought it was brilliant anyway..
And mother Redgrave is in it too. Not untill the second half. Yes, it’s a two parter. But if I can do it, so can you. Another thing I don’t get is why Venessa Redgrave keeps picking complex, slightly evil, whtout being evil really, charecters. She does them well, I’ll give her that, but I’d love to see her as a sweet lady, for once.
OK. There is only one thing I have to poo-poo upon in this second half.
In the first half the good doctor gets sent away by Torrence and he in turn tells Jo that he died. And, of course, she believes him. But then she realises he’s full of shit and runs away. They, the doctor and Jo, eventually meet and they are all =D, laughing and other happy stuff. And then she gives him his belongings and they dance. Like you always do.. right? Well, I do… whenever my Jan comes home from work we always dance <.< And second half, not so fun, even thought you get the conclution to the whole thing.. They run away to the Isle of Wsomething... there they start to take out the Triffids and they all live happily ever after... And in the second half you get less Eddie.. and you jus tknow he's going to die because of his assholery... All in all... I liked it. If you're not into the whole sci-fi thing and have no idea who Eddie Izzard is then you probably won't like it.. lol But I still think it's worth a gander.



I think I might have written a review of this one before, but it’s so crap it deserves another viewing…

The only cool thing about this movie is when the one chick explodes. But honestly, it’s like… if I watch this movie I’ll have wasted like 80 some minutes of my life, and I’ll never get them back.. If you’re anything like me and you have to see the monster to be scared, you are going to be SO disappointed. The monster… you barely get to see it, and when it’s in full view it’s out of focus. That’s mainly because of the camera dude, Hud, is total crap camera dude. Honestly!!! If you come face to face with a fucking monster that has just invaded your city AND killed a friend and you get a chanse to film the fucking thing, YOU DON’T FILM YOUR FRIENDS BEING “SCARED”!!!! unless, of course, you’re a MORON!!! (Things are not looking good for you, Hud).
Ok, so I’ll talk alittle about the movie. It starts with a home video, if I’m not too mistaken. Happy man, happy woman and then a party. Someone screws up. Happy man becomes unhappy man. The only thing I’, envious of is that the guy, ex-happy, get to escape it all and go to Japan. Well, that’s was the plan.. or I’ve totally fucked up the story. Not that it matters. The story is weak and doesn’t really matter or worth taking a notise of. It slowly and lazily trotts along, absentmindedly dropping hints of nothing interesting what so ever all through the movie.
Well, anyway… At the party happy woman leaves becaise of something only a gossip would find interesting and then suddenly somethings, people get scared and run. And they run and run and at a bridge something smashes it with its tail. People get scared and run and run and finally they calm the fuck down. Then they figure out that they are gonna pick up happy woman at her flat. Distressed phonecall “Zomg, I’m trapped. Zomg, I’m gonna die” bitch moan. They then come almost face to face with the monster. I say almost because you can’t see shit! Well… legg and an arm…. But legs and arms do not a monster, at least a crappy one, make. So they escape into the underground subway and decide to walk to where happy woman lives. On the way they get attacked by mini monsters and one of them get bitten. That’s about the only exciting bit so far. They come to a mall or something and the army gets them. They are taken away to a make-shift hospital thingie where loads of mamed, mangled and dead people are being kept/helped. There is a scuffle and suddenly the bitten chick gets taken behind a screen while people are crying “We have a bite!” or something like that… and she explodes.
Again… only exciting bit…
After that it goes down hill. The stuff that happens are boring. They save happy woman from her flat where she’s been impaled, and they are taken away by the army in helicopters. But the monster isn’t finished hazzling this small group of people. And while all the escapees are happy, the monster makes them all crash.
The camera guy gets eaten, not that the filming improves a bit after that…
To be quite honest… I’ve lost interst at this point. The two remaining people say their goodbyes to the camera and I think an a-bomb goes off a few blocks away from them.
And then you see more home movie stuff and in the background you can see the monster splashing in water. Weather it came from the deep or from space I don’t know… and I don’t care.
Yeah… so…. do yourself a favour… watch something else… interesting…
Oh, and the shaking hand camera syndrom thingie supposed to make you feel seasick… it doesn’t… it’s just annoying.. and you want to throw shit at the screen…

Se7en, movie review

Plot (borrowed from IMDb): Police drama about two cops, one new and one about to retire, after a serial killer using the seven deadly sins as his MO.

It starts with a man getting dressed. He’s a cop… homicide… I know this because I’ve seen the movie before, and he is at this moment standing over a dead body discussing murder with another guy, who is also a cop. They could, of course, be bad guys, but as I said… I’ve seen the movie before… and the other guy is talking about how glad they all will be when the first dude retires. And if they were bad guys, the only way to retire is when someone kills you… and I don’t think the first dude would take his retirement so lightheartedly if that was the truth. But there is also another clue… The first guy is Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt just walked up the stairs, looked at Freeman and said “Detective Summerset?” So let’s just assume they are cops and be done with it.

I remember watching this movie in the theater. I loved it then and I love it now. Let me just first say that I, as a rule of thumb, don’t like movies with Brad Pitt in them. I don’t like him as an actor…but in Se7en he’s good. He is the perfect new guy on the block with things to prove.
As for Morgan Freeman…. I have never denied that he is one of my favorite actors, and as Summerset he is perfect. The voice of reason and knowledge… He does whatever he can to teach Mills what he knows.
Kevin Spacy is in this lovely movie too. He didn’t want his name to be in the credits or have top billing cause people would expect to see him right away in the movie, and when they didn’t they’d think a bit they’d realise he’s the bad guy… And what a bad guy!!! Ace killer…
I had totally forgotten Gwyneth Paltrow was in this movie (but she dies, so no biggie)

The movie Se7en is about a crazy killer with a grudge, killing people in the way of the seven deadly sins.
Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Pride, Lust and Envy… And he really got some crazy ways of killing those people too. Well, Sloth guy didn’t really die…but I bet he wished he had…
The movie takes you on a journey though the mid of a madman, only showing ou the end result of his craziness. Not until later do we find out exactly why the killer did what he did. Not that it is at all comforting…seeing as anyone can snap and kill people… anyone can be the victim because no one is without sin. Even the most saintly heart must have felt the stab of envy, even for the briefest of seconds. Hell, even I am not without sin. BUT IF ANYONE CRAZY PEOPLE READ THIS, I AM REALLY NICE AND UNJUDGEMENTAL!!!!! <.<;;;;;;
So yeah… Killer kills people, police tried to catch killer, killer ups the any by letting the police catch him and say “there are two more victims, let me take you to them” and of course the police say “YAY”
Turns out the killer has killed Mills’ wife (Gwyneth) which leaves one… the killer… envy… Mills kills killer and end of story…
I think this has to be one of the best scary movies I’ve seen. As I’ve said before I don’t scare easily and I need something exciting to keep me interested. This is such a movie. All of these new movies made: “House of 10000000 corpses”, “The Hills have eyes”, “House of wax” etc. did nothing for me at all. The only cool part in “House of 1000000 corpses” is when the crazy guy severs a guys spine with the jaws of life (OK, so it wasn’t the jaws of life, but it was a clippy thingie, and it was cool)
At least I think it was that movie… But they are all the same now a days… it’s boring..
The Japanese so good scary movies… Well, Asia in general.. But why do they American movie industry have to ruin it all with bad bad bad Americanisations?

So… let’s get back to the movie Se7en…
Love it!, and I recommend it to everyone. Just one word of caution. If you are to watch the movie.. please don’t watch it while eating. Seriously…
Not that it bothers me… blood gore and stuff have no effect on me… :3

But do enjoy it…


The Usual Suspects

This is my favorite kind of movie. The “Who dun it” kind.

Plot: “A boat has been destroyed, criminals are dead, and the key to this mystery lies with the only survivor and his twisted, convoluted story beginning with five career crooks in a seemingly random police lineup.”

I don’t know what’s best about this movie… the fact that Kevin Spacey is in it or the tiny hints you get along the way. If you don’t see them you’ll get a huge “OOOOOH!” experience at the end of the movie. The actors in this movie are just great, but since Kevin is one of my favorite actors I say that he out played them all.
After reading what Kevin Spacey did to get into the role of a man with CP, to make it believable (everything from gluing his fingers together to filing his shoes down to simulate wear and tare), one gets how much the man loves acting.

One last thing… HERE BE SPOILERS!!


The movie starts off with a guy lighting a cigarette and letting the Zippo fall to the floor where a line of petrol is waiting to get lit. As the flames travel across the floor it is stopped by someone taking pissing on it, putting out the flames. The pissing person then walks over to the smoking guy on the floor and towers over him. They exchange a few words before the pissing guy shoots the other guy and then drops his cigarette on the floor while walking away. The boat, where the floor was located, gets blown up.

We then cut to a police station where a man is being interrogated about the explosion, and he tells the story about how everything got started at a line up.

We then jump a few weeks back and hear the guy tell a story about a truck being hijacked and how someone was less than pleased about it. The police then start to arrest… the usual suspects. They all end up in the line up where they have to say “hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker”.

(I feel the need to say that the movie is riddled with bad language, so if you’re faint of heart, DO NOT WATCH THIS FUCKING MOVIE! The word fuck and its derivatives is used a total of 98 times.)

They are then put in a holding cell while waiting for a lawyer. While waiting they are talking amongst themselves about who actually did the hijacking and so on, and they are somewhat introduced to each other.

McManus (Stephen Baldwin)
Fenster (Benicio Del Toro)
Hockney (Kevin Pollack)

Keaton (Gabriel Byrne)

‘Verbal’ Kint (Kevin Spacey)

Keaton has his wife, the lawyer, come down and get him out, so the rest of them are set free too. Later Verbal comes to see him about a job McManus suggested, to hit “New York’s Finest Taxi service”, a taxi service which brings smugglers etc. from one place to the next for a small fee. Verbal wants in on it, cause he needs the money, but Keaton wants none of it seeing as he no longer has anything to do with crime. But Verbal manages to talk Keaton into it, and so they hit the police car which is servicing a guy from somewhere bringing emeralds into the country.
A few police men are fired, the mess leads all the way up to police captains and the guys are very pleased with themselves.

McManus tells the rest of the guys, after having checked out the loot, that he has to go to Los Angeles to talk to a guy who’ll process the loot. The guys don’t like it and they tag along. There they are offered another job, to lift a suitcase off a guy. Keaton doesn’t like it. He only went along with one job. He doesn’t want to get dragged into another one. But eventually they do that job too. Verbal, who’s a “no killings, please” guy ends up killing the guy with the suitcase cause he doesn’t want to part with it. In the suitcase they find cocaine. (The whole time Verbal is being interrogated he brings up stories about his past life. And the Federal Agent who’s interviewing him, Kujan, keeps pushing Verbal into telling the story. Verbal, on the other hand, keeps dropping hints…)

After having seen the guy who processed the loot from the taxi service they go back to their lair… or hotel room… This is when a guy called Kobayashi turns up. Apparently he’s Japanese, although, in my ears, he sounds more Indian than Japanese.

He starts telling them that they all have done many bad things, all involving his boss, Keyser Soze, and that if they aren’t to meet a horrible death, they should all do one last job. They might die anyway, but at least they have a choice to die now or later. They then get one envelope each, with their names on it, containing their whole criminal life.

Not knowing who Keyser Soze is Verbal asks the rest who he is. He gets told a story about how he was a German/Turkish guy who was really large in the criminal world, that some people wanted his power and that Keyser killed his whole family because…

The next day Fenster turned up dead. He took the rest of the money the guys had scraped together and legged it, but he didn’t get far. So Keaton tried another strategy. They show Kobayashi that he’s not the only one who can get at people. But Kobayashi has an ace up his sleeve. He tells them that if they don’t do the job or something, they will lose one family member… or one of them will lose something dear to them… like testicles…

In the meantime the police have found a guy who survived the ship blowing up, and he is flailing in bed, screaming about Keyser Soze, which gets some attention. They get a sketch artist in to make a drawing and so on.

Verbal is still telling Kujan about how they did the job Keyser wanted them to do, even though none of the guys thought there was a Keyser Soze, that he was only a fairy tail. And they are talking about how real Keyser is. Kujan doesn’t seem to believe there is a Keyser either.

The job they are to do is to hit a boat to find cocaine. But on the boat, after killing loads of Turkish people, they find nothing. While Keaton and McManus are on the boat, Hockney gets killed. Also an old guy on the boat gets killed. Turns out he’s the only guy who can tell anyone who Keyser Soze really is.
After figuring out there is no cocaine, Keaton runs up on deck, where a bemused McManus walks towards him and then collapses, with a knife in his back. Then Keaton gets shot. All of this happens while Verbal watches.

Suddenly Kujan explodes on Verbal, telling him he doesn’t believe he could just let Keyser go without even trying to shot him. That if Keaton really was his friend, he’d help him. No, in fact, Keaton was Keyser, wasn’t he? And that was why Verbal was still alive. And the fact that Verbal was a cripple. That was the only reason why Verbal was alive.

 All of his loud words make Verbal think and cry. Why would Keaton try to save him? Because he was weak? (ugh, too much back and forth with these two)

Kujan wants to help Verbal too, to save him, because they both know that as soon as Verbal hits the streets Keyser will snatch him up. But Verbal wants to chance it. He leaves the office with the wonderful words “fucking cops”

As Verbal is hobbling down to where he can get his stuff, Kujan is drinking his coffee, watching the board on the wall, realizing that every story Verbal told was picked from there. He drops his mug, revealing a name under the cup: KOBAYASHI!
Kujan then jumps to his feet and runs after Verbal, just as a fax comes through from the hospital where the sketch artist is done. One of the cops look at the drawing and it’s… VERBAL KINT!
Verbal/Keyser is now hobbling down the street, on camera only his feet are showing, but the longer he walks, the more normal his walk get. Eventually the camera pan up his legs and you see his hand, he pulls his fingers apart, pick up a pack of cigarettes and light a smoke. A car stops next to him; Kobayashi is sitting in the driver’s seat. As Kujan is looking frantically left and right to spot Keyser, they drive off. End of movie.

The Fast and the Furious

Well… it’s actually every car movie, come to think of it. The Fast and the Furious, The Fast and the Furious; Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious (even though this movie won’t come out till next year….) etc…etc….etc….
It’s all the same anyways….

Lead guy: blah blah blah
Side-kick guy: blah blah blah
Car: *vrooooom*

Bad guy: Mwoahahahahahaaaa
Car: *vroooom*

Lead guy: *saves the day*
Car: *vrooooom*

Me: Utterly and insanely boring, but at least the cars are kinda cool looking….


The summary I found about this movie was “King Leonidas and a force of 300 men fight the Persians at Thermopylae in 480 B.C.”
In it self this should (maybe) be something to catch your eye and make you want to watch the movie…
This is my review of this movie… or… play by play, if you will… or… something…
At least.. this is what I remember happened when I watched it… :3

Old guy: Go… go out and become a maaan…
Young sweaty kid: …ok… *gets kicked out of home, goes into the mountains and kills many beasts in a very manly fashion. He then returns home*
Old guy: YOU’RE A MAAAN!

*skip MANY years*
Sweaty man: Ah… life is good… but I have bad feelings… I have to go see the seer on the mountain. *and so he does*

Icky, old looking perv dude: Come… see the seer you must… I’ll translate…
Young, beautiful, yet very naked woman: *memory gap*
Icky, old looking perv dude: Bad news, I’m afraid…
Sweaty man: Damn… *leaves before a mass orgy of old limbs mingled with poor, young, innocent flesh bursts out*

Sweaty man: Ah, wife… I love you… *makes mad love with wife to make himself forget the mental images of said orgy*

Men from somewhere: blah blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: Blah blah blah?
Men from somewhere: blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: Blah?
Men from somewhere: blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: (with the words heard around the world) THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *kicks*
Pit: omnomnomnomnom…
Me: Oh, look… something interesting is on… *switches channel*

Clearly having well oiled muscles won’t keep me interested for very long. I’m sad to say that it takes very little in a movie to make me lose my interest. And then again, it takes very little to make me keep it. Just the kick into the pit made me want to keep watching, but then there was an endless boring part of getting the troops ready. I was sitting/lying on the couch going “OK, they are ready… ATTACK!!!” but no…
Then there’s all the hype about movies. This makes me take a step back, to be honest. If there is hype about a movie, over half the time you end up disappointed… or, at least I do. I get very skeptical when people go “OMIGOSHYOUHAVETOSEETHEMOVIEIT’SSOFUCKINGAMAZING!” because usually we have totally different tastes in good movie.  What might seem bad ass to me might seem utterly boring and a total waste of time to others. But this is why the movie industry have more than just one way of making movies.

Edit: I saw the last ten minutes of 300 the other day, and this is what I saw…

Woman and small child in a field, woman gives boy a necklace…. no context what so ever…

Cut to… Oh… Faramir out of armour… he looks kinda good without it… if he didn’t wear it in Lord of the Rings, then just maybe his father would have loved him more… especially if he wore a black speedos…
I mean… he REALLY buffed up… I’ve seen David Wenham out of clothes before (Better than sex, I think the movie was called) and wow…
Then the credits… Really now… it’s like a bloody version of Disney’s Hercules.

I caught a glimps of more of this movie the next night… and… well…

Sweaty guy: Who is this?
Some dude: It’s your son…
Sweaty guy: Oh, you’re right… why is he in this mans army? He hasn’t yet felt the warmth of a woman…
Some dude: True, but he is as old as we were when we fist went to war…
Sweaty guy: Ah, how right you are… that’s why you make such a great army guy…
Me: *switches to something else… TO MUCH TALK!!! JEESH! I have better things to do… LIKE BRUSH MY TEETH!*

Clearly there are something amiss here. When Lionitis (Yes, I know it’s Lionitus, but Lionitis sounds more fun… and has the twang of a horrible illness involving LOADS of hair) was a kid he got kicked out by his father to become A MAN! I can picture LOADS of geeky boys going “Oh, I see… if I slay me a fierce beast I will be a man… and goes out to kill the most horrible dog in the neighborhood, only to come back and watch the rest of the movie… “He’s not a man yet, cause he has not yet felt the warmth of a woman” meaning… he’s not a man yet, cause he hasn’t got laid… and the geeky boys go “NOW I’LL NEVER BECOME A MAN!!!” DX
Thanks movie….