Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Depending on where in the world you’re from…
What? You didn’t expect me NOT to review Harry Potter, did you? Foools…
So yes…
The plot: “Rescued from the outrageous neglect of his aunt and uncle, a young boy with a great destiny proves his worth while attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”
This is what I remember… It’s been some time since I saw this movie last, so bare with me…
Oh… and if you haven’t seen the movie… have you been living under a rock????
HERE BE SPOLIERS!!!
As far as I remember the movie starts with floaty title on a cloud… and a man walking into a street, stealing the light and a cat turning into a woman before a giant on a flying motorcycle brings a small baby to the man stealing the light. With me so far? If it’s the first time you watch this movie, it might strike you as odd… especially if you haven’t read the book…
Anyways… the man puts the baby on the doorstep of a house and then leaves, uttering slight concern for the baby’s wellbeing… or was that the cat?
The man returns the light to the lamps and we jump 11 years ahead. Well, almost 11 years. Or was it 10 years? (I mean… many things point to him being older than he really is… in the last book he find a letter from him mum saying that Harry loves the broom he got and is zooming around on it… How old do one have to be to fly on a broom? Surely, there are laws against putting an infant on a broom…And he really wasn’t THAT old when he was put on the steps of the house…) ahem…
We jump ahead a number of years, and we see a bright eyed, bushy tailed young lad wake up, or being forcefully woken up by a rather large lad jumping on the stairs. See, the bright eyed, bushy tailed young lad lives under the stairs. We soon realize that this kid is in fact Harry Potter, seeing as right before we jumped a head many years, we saw a scar on the baby’s forehead, and now we see the scar on the kid’s forehead. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. So… Harry wakes up, goes into the kitchen and makes breakfast with his Aunt Petunia. Uncle Vernon (the less said about him the better) is doting on his son, who happened to have his birthday on this day. The spoiled little brat, Dudley, is REALLY spoiled. And I do mean really. Like “I got 43 birthday gifts last year, I want 44 NOW!” spoiled (yes, I know it’s an incorrect number of gifts…). And his parents, being not the brightest of people give in. (How they ever managed to become parents baffles the mind. But we shan’t go into that here… It is a kid’s movie after all…)
After breakfast they go to the zoo, but before leaving Uncle Vernon tells Harry not to do any funny business, so he must have managed to make some magical things happen before… (We’ll call that exhibit 1). At the zoo Dudders (Dudley, really, but his mother calls him that) sees a snake and probably would have strangled the poor thing to get it to do anything. Getting bored with the listless thing, he walks away. Harry walks up to the glass and starts talking to it… and the snake seems to be responding (exhibit 2). Dudders comes back, knocks Harry out of the way and starts banging on the glass. Harry getting a little miffed makes the glass disappear (exhibit 3), and after the snake slithering ( 😉 ) away and says thanks, makes the glass reappear. Of course this didn’t make Uncle Vernon too pleased, so Harry probably had to go to bed without dinner, dessert, TV, snacks or anything.
The next day, I’m assuming, an owl came with a letter. It was addressed to Harry living at that address, under the stairs. But before he had a chance to open it Uncle Vernon snatched it out of his hands and burned it. This went on for days, without Harry ever getting to read one line of the letters he got. Then finally, on a Sunday, uncle Vernon was pleased as punch, cause “there is no mail on Sundays”. How wrong he was. Tons of owls delivered tons of letters, and finally Harry got to see that the letter was from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (exhibit 4). Uncle Vernon went a little mental and uprooted the whole family and moved them to a lighthouse on an island out in the middle of the sea somewhere. Finally on the eve of Harry’s 11th birthday, there was a slight tap on the door. Since no one answered it, it got knocked off its hinges. Outside stood a rather large man. Uncle Vernon attacked the man with a shotgun, but the man simply bent the muzzle of the gun and he was in no real danger. The man introduced himself at Hagrid, a games keeper at Hogwarts, and that if he wanted, he could come with him and go to school there. Harry, sporting a puzzled look, had no idea what he was on about. Hagrid then started to explain that people, of the wizard and witch persuasion, started going to that school once they turned 11 years old. Harry, still not quite grasping what Hagrid was on about, wondered what that has to do with him. “You’re a wizard, Harry.” (If he had simply looked at exhibits 1-4 he would have realized this ages ago.)
Even thought Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were very much against this, since there is NO such thing as witchcraft and magic, Harry went with Hagrid. They went to a place called Diagon Alley, where Harry would find everything he needed for his new school. There he also met one of the Professors at Hogwarts, Professor Quirrell. And before Harry got his stuff, they had to go to Gringots, the bank. Harry where found out that his parents didn’t leave him penniless, that he was actually kind of well off. After they had done that, Hagrid had some other business to take care of.
Then they walked around Diagon Alley getting Harry what he needed. Finally he came to the wand shop where John Hurt, Mr. Ollivander, the wand maker, said he had been expecting Harry’s arrival. Harry started waving some wands around (ahem… not like that), blowing shelved down and stuff, until (dun dun duuun) he found the wand for him. (It’s great that Warner Brothers made this special, but I doubt very much that every single young kid walking into Mr. Ollivander’s shop suddenly got a halo when they found the right wand.) Then Mr. Ollivander informed Harry about the story behind his wand, telling him that its brother was the wand that gave him his scar. While the camera is zooming in on Harry’s face, we can see that he’s puzzled (And then an alien burst through Mr. Hurt’s rib cage).
Hagrid takes Harry for a bite to eat where he also tells Harry about his parents, how they died and all that jazz.
Then Hagrid took Harry to the train station, where he was told to get on the train on platform 9 ¾. Harry, being a very smart boy, looked at the letter, expressing his concern for there not being a platform 9 ¾ and turned to Hagrid, who was gone. Did I fail to mention that Hagrid is a giant? THE giant who brought Harry to the old man who stole the light? So… how can a giant just vanish into thin air?
Harry wandered around on platforms 9 and 10, looking for the platform he was supposed to get to. He even asked a person who worked there, but he thought the kid was mad. Eventually he overheard a woman, followed by a truckload of kids with ginger hair, saying that platform 9 ¾ was that way. He followed them and saw that some of the ginger kids vanished through a wall. He hesitantly walked up to the lady and gestured to the wall. He was told to run at the wall really quickly and so he did. On the other side was a great big train, the old kind with the coal and stuff. He found a seat in an empty compartment and sat down. Not long after the train started moving one of the ginger kids came into the compartment and asked if he could sit there. Harry, not being a bad guy, said of course. That’s when the kid recognized him. “You’re Harry Potter… Can I see your scar?” Harry made his first friend. He even bribed him with everything off the trolley. Then they started talking about magic, and his new friend, Ron Weasley, said he was going to perform a spell he learned from his brothers. Right before he started the door opened and ARGH!!! LARGE HAIRY BEAST! Oh, it’s just Hermione… a girl walked into the compartment asking if they had seen a toad. When she saw Ron having his wand out (no, still not bad) she said “Oh, you’re doing magic. Let’s see then” (smacks her smug, eyebrow wiggling face). Ron cleared his throat and said his spell, which didn’t work. She then showed off by fixing Harry’s glasses. She then told them to get dressed because they were going to be there soon. Well there Hagrid welcomed them all and hurried them off to the boats (the scenic rout). At the school they were all welcomed by an old witch called Professor MacGonagall. She told them that they were to be lead into the Great Hall where they were to be sorted into a house. There were four houses they could be sorted into; Griffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. She then left them and a skinny, blond kid walked up to Harry. He introduced himself as Draco Malfoy. Ron giggled and Draco got very upset. “You’ll learn that some wizarding families are better than others. LET’S BE FRIENDS FOREVER AND EVER!” * pine *
“I think I know how to spot the good ones from the bad, thank you very much,” said Harry and MacGonagall entered telling them that everything was ready for them. They entered the Great Hall, a large room with floating candles in mid air. “They are enchanted, of course. I read it in Hogwarts, a history” gushed Hermione. * slaps *
The sorting started, Hermione was put in Gryffindor, and so was Ron. Draco was put in Slytherin even before the hat was put on his head. The sorting hat is the hat that sorts people into the houses… and it speaks. Harry was determined not to be put in Slytherin (which I really don’t understand. It’s a very fine house… seriously…) and the hat being a nice hat put him in Gryffindor. The sorting finished and an old man at the head of the table stood up. Professor Dumbledore. He told them what was what and where not to go and that was basically it. Then the feast started, and the house ghosts started popping out everywhere. (I really need to shorten this down… this is going to take me 10 pages at least if I do the whole movie.)
After the feast they were taken to their dormitories. Harry didn’t sleep that night. It seemed like he felt he had come home.
The next day starts off with Transfiguration classes with Professor McGonagall, and they are late. ARGH, HAIRY BEAST AGAIN… oh’s it’s just Hermione…
Then they had Potions. (Yes, to welcome the tiny first year students they feed them to the worst teacher they have at Hogwarts; Professor Snape.)
Professor Snape started his class by telling them that there would be no silly wand waving in his class. That he will teach them how to make potions to ensnare the senses and bewitch the mind (ENSNARE MEEEEE!!!!!). And then he sees that Harry isn’t paying attention. Though, if he had seen what Harry was writing, he’d see that he actually WAS paying attention. Then he starts picking on him. It all ends with there being bad feelings and all that. Even before Snape got to know Harry he judged him on his background… (For shaaame, Snape…)
After this they have lunch, and they get mail. Neville Longbottom, one of Harry’s classmates, gets a Rememberall; Harry reads in the paper that there has been a break in at Gringotts and tells the other two about how the vault that was broken into was the same vault Hagrid and he had been the day they were there.
After lunch they have flying lessons with madam Hooch… (Yay… Zoe Wannamaker) Hermione doesn’t like flying lessons, because she’s not the best one, for a change and Ron gets smacked in the face. Neville takes off, flies around for a bit and then takes a nosedive and breaks his wrist. Draco takes his Rememberall and flies off followed by Harry who catches it. McGonagall sees it, takes Harry to Oliver Wood, the Quidditch Captain and introduces Harry as the new Gryffindor Seeker. Everyone is in awe at Harry being such a young seeker, but Hermione tells Harry it’s in his blood and shows him that his father was seeker when he went to school. They keep talking about it through the evening and they end up on moving stairs. They walk into a room, see Mrs. Norris, and runs into another room where they see a three headed dog. On their way back Hermione is being a tight ass and is scolding the boys, or at least trying to.
Then Harry has his first Quidditch lesson with Wood, first and only lesson… *swoons over Scottish accent*
They then have spells class. Ron gets annoyed with Hermione, as we all are, bitches about her to the lads, she overhears it and runs off crying. Suddenly, later that night, it’s the Halloween Feast. Hermione is missing. Then Quirrell runs into the Great Hall, screaming “Troll… in the dungeon. Thought you ought to know” and then passes out. This creates a mass panic, but Dumbledore tells everyone to stay calm and for the prefects to take the students back to their dorms. As they are walking back, Harry realizes that Hermione doesn’t know about the troll and runs of with Ron to find her. They find her, and the troll in one of the girl’s bathrooms. They fight the troll, and Hermione manages to take time out of her busy schedule of getting herself killed to lecture Ron about proper spell pronunciations. They save the day.
Quidditch, finally, has come around; Harry gets a broom from Professor McGonagall. At the game “Snape” jinxes Harry’s broom, but Hermione sets Snape on fire and Harry gets the snitch. (Marcus Flint, the Slytherin captain, is butt ugly!!) They then talk to Hagrid and he let slip about Fluffy, the three headed dog, and that whatever the dog is doing there is between Dumbledore and Flamel.
Suddenly winter comes around, and it’s the Christmas holiday. A…OMG, LARGE HAIRY BEAST, oh… it’s just Hermione… Hermione is going home to see her parents, though, if I were them I’d move without telling her, but before she leaves she tells the boys to look for Flamel in the restricted section.
On Christmas morning, Harry gets an Invisibility cloak from someone. He uses it to go into the restricted section but finds nothing. Harry runs from pervy Filtch into a room where he finds a large mirror. What’s even weirder is that he sees his parents in it. He runs off to tell Ron, and when they get back, all Ron can see is himself holding the Quidditch Cup. Harry spends the night looking into the mirror, looking at his parents. Then Dumbledore comes into the room and tells him that the mirror is called The Mirror of Erised, what it does and so on.
Spring comes around and Hermione has found Flamel. They go to see Hagrid, who just happens to be hatching a dragon egg, and talk to him about something… Draco sees them there and runs off to tell McGonagall. They all get detention with Hagrid, and have to follow him into the Dark Forest. They are looking for a wounded unicorn. Harry finds it and sees a black floaty thing sucking its blood. The floaty thing sees Harry and floats towards him. But he’s saves by a centaur, so everything is ok. Harry then tells the rest about what he knows (which took about three seconds).
Harry’s scar burns and this apparently gives him an idea. They got to see Hagrid yet again and talk to him about Fluffy. He says that the only thing that can sooth it is music. They run of to see McGonagall to tell her that they have to see Dumbledore, but she informs them that he’s gone.
That night the trio sneaks off to go down the trap door. In the common room they run into Neville who Hermione swiftly uses a stunning spell on. They got to the trap door, Fluffy sleeping, stays there and talks for way too long, because the dog wakes up. They jump into the hole and lands in Devil’s Snare. Hermione tells them to relax, but Ron just won’t listen. Hermione again saves the day and they move on to the next room where loads of flying keys fly around. They finally realize that they have to find the key to the door. Harry jumps on the broom and takes chase of the key. They get into the next room where they have to play Wizard’s Chess. Only Harry goes on from here and he goes into the next room where (dun dun duuuuuun) he meets QUIRRELL!
He starts telling Harry how he tried to kill him at the Quidditch game and so on, that Snape tried to save him etc. Then he starts to unwrap his turban to reveal (dun dun duuuuun) VOLDEMORT!
Quirrell tells Harry to look in the Mirror of Erised to get the stone and he gets it. Voldemort tells Harry to give him the stone and that together they can rule the galaxy like father and son… no… wait… Anyway… Quirrell gets the order to kill Harry, and he flies forth to do so. Harry touches his hand and it starts to crumble. He then touches Quirrell’s face which also starts to crumble. Harry is well pleased with himself, unaware of the misty sand storm building behind him. Voldiecloud flies through Harry and he passes out.
When he wakes up he’s in the hospital wing, and Dumbledore comes to see him. He tells him why Quirrell couldn’t stand Harry touching him (no… don’t even go there) and it was all because of love.
Harry is let out of the hospital wing, meets the others and they go to the last day feast. Slytherin are the winners of the House Cup, but before Dumbledore gives out the Cup he has some more points to dish out. In the end Gryffindor wins and the all go home.
The End
