Category Archives: Comedy

Piranha 3D, a Lene review

Let it be known that I did not get to see the whole movie, and I have been scouting for it so that I could see the whole thing.
I came in right before the half way mark, when people on a boat were having fun with tequila and cameras. It became appearent to me pretty soon why this movie was made, and I could imagine this conversation between the ideamakers of this movie:
A:”So, how can we make a movie with boobs in it?”
B:”I don’t know. Where do you usually find alot of boobs?”
*long pause*
B:”Girls, alcohol, wet t-shirts,boobs, douchbags, boobs, more alcohol, bikinis, tits in 3D coming at you, more tits, some blood and gore, boobs and fish.”
A:”Sounds good to me..”
B:”I just love boobs so much” *cries*

from what I’ve read ib ImDb, there was an earthquake…and it created a rift to a lake within a lake, freeing piranha’s from days gone by… like a million years ago or something. They are alot more agressive than their amazonian relatives, so they soon start to eat everything within sight. The police find out and try to stop springbreakers from bathing in the lake where the piranha’s are, but young people being young people, they are stupid and don’t listen to reason.
There is also a backstory, as there always is, but it’s boring.
The movie does have a few celebs:
Richard Dreyfuss
Elisabeth Shue
Christopher Lloyd
Jerry O’Connell to mention a few.
Kinda distracting to have Lloyd in a movie that’s not Back to the FUture. You keep expecting him to exclaim “GREAT SCOTT!” when something happens.

Let me just say that… if you want to watch boobs, blood and things that could never happen, and I don’t mean the piranha’s, but just the way people die…. like one chick got her hair caught in a boats propeller and she douch in the boat tried to start it, and eventually he managed to start the boat, and it ripped the chicks face and hair clean off. It gave me a good laugh, though.
Honestly, I’m disapointed. It’s not like I expected a tender love story or anything, but they could have made a movie consisting of more than boobs.
But this is just my opinion. You might love the movie…and if you do, odds are you’re a guy. As a girl I don’t see the facination with boobs flapping through water. That’s part of the 3D effect, by the way. It kinda works, but not all the way because you don’t have the right equipment. If I did get a 3D player and TV and all that, I might get the full effect…not that I’d enjoy it…cause it’s basically boobs.

So… watch it or don’t watch it… I don’t care, really.

Alien Trespass, a Lene review

Mood: Happy ^_^
Listening to: Nothing at the moment.. but will be watching “War of the Planets” quite soon…
And I’m happy because I got a moose steak =D Nommie dinner on new years eve ^_^

Right.. the movie

ALIEN TRESPASS!!! *Spoiler alert*

Eric McCormack (Will, from “Will &Grace”)
Jenni Baird (I have no idea who she is… )
Robert Patrick (The T-model thingie robot from Terminator 2)
Jody Thompson (I have no idea who she is either)

There are more people in it, but I can’t be arsed to list them all… ImDb the movie if you’re wondering :3
So.. the movie..
It’s a lovely homage to the good old sci-fi classics like “It Came from Outer Space”, “The Day The Earth Stood Still” and “The War of the Worlds” (although, I fail to see the connection…)..and actually “I Married a Monster from Outer Space” (kinda).
Even though the movie is in colour, with modern everything, it’s filmed in the way it would be filmed in the 50’s, the actors acted as the actors did back then and the clothes are nicely time appropriate.
I’ve always loved the 50’s… and the 60’s… and the 20’s… I think I have an old soul… but I digress..

At the beginning of the movie you get a sort of “news reel” bit that you normally got at the movies before the movies started back in the 50’s (At least I think so… I wasn’t born back then, so I have to admit I woldn’t know exactly when they started showing news reels before movies…) and it’s about the movie in question. The actor jokingly quips about how the director will have his *beep* if he told anyone and so forth. It gives it a nice reality feel to it.
And then the movie start.
I have to admit, again, that I was very slow the day I saw it.  As the movie starts you see a woman painting, and she’s watching TV, and she sees the actor from the news reel… and is all ZOMG, HUNK!!
And then you see a house, with a woman out front and a man in the kitchen, seasoning the meat… No, get your mind out of the gutter… *slaps*
This is where I started thinking “Oh, great. It’s the classic comedy ‘doppleganger’ mixups…” not realising that it’s a movie within a movie…
So yeah.. the guy seasoning the meat (NO!!) is a scientist.. a star gazer if you will… normal egghead… and the woman out front is his wife. And appearently they have been married for a few years… and very happily too, it seems…
Anyways, his name is Ted Lewis, and his wife is Lana Lewis… They are waiting for a meteor shower. It seems like everyone in town is waiting for it. Even the kids at Look out point, or snog mountain or whatever the name of it was, are “looking” at the stars. Well, the guy is trying to look at the stars, she is busy figting of his busy hands. And they are going to get married and all that.
To jump ahead a little… a UFO crashes… and soemthing escapes the UFO before the guy driving the darn thing gets out… so he has to hunt the thing down. the thing that escapes is called either a Goda, Degoda, Thegoda or something like that.
Everyone rushes to see what’s happened. Well, not everyone.. it seems like falling meteors aren’t as interesting. A drunkard goes to see, and he runs away. Lewis goes to see, and he disappears.
The next morning he comes driving back, however, and seems to be acting very odd. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he has been “taken over” by the driver of the UFO. But at least he’s a nice person and all that.  He wants Lana to be safe and asks her if she will help him… but seeing as he’s acting weird I guess the only thing she’ll help with is getting him put away in the loony bin…
But he gets away from her and starts his search for the Ghota, and he gets help from the chick who watched the news thingie of him on tv as she was painting.  Needless to say that the Ghota starts killing people… How? Tentacle attack and slurp. Yes, it noms all the parts of the human body that isn’t water or something like that.
Of course when people start hearing about a monster on the lose, they scoff at it and go about their business…. people being the police… untill one of them gets killed… and then another… and more people.
Eventually the Ghota, which has split in two, even though the taken over Lewis said that if that happened it would spell doom for the earth.. which it didn’t… is stunned and taken back to the UFO…
and every person who survived goes up there to see them off… by trying to kill them… But after heartfelt words the silly humans realise they shouldn’t go around shooting first and no0t bothering with the questions… and “Lewis” (real name wait… Urp… comes with realisations too… that humans aren’t as worthless and stupid as he thought… *sighs*

If you love good old sci-fi movies then by all means, don’t miss it.
It is a very lovely movie made very very well. The cast is solid and act, like I said, just as the actors would back in the day. A tad over acting, maybe, but that’s to be expected.
The movie is charming and lovely. The monsters are what you’d expect from a 50’s movie, simplistic in it’s making, but kinda of terrorfying when you realise just what they do to you.
And Urp, the hero… Just what you’d expect from a hero form outer space. Just a guy trying to do his job….
The heroine… a chick trying to make it in this crazy world.
I absolutely recommend this movie… it’s a gem…


Dos and Don’ts of Horror Movies

We’ve all seen horror movies, and we’ve all been annoyed at the stupidity of the people who are in the movies.
So it’s not really a movie review… not a REAL movie review… but I have been thinking about this and it’s always fun to make these kinds of lists… So here we go… this is totally random, btw…

1. If you’re ever invited to the Forest of Death and Blood, or any forest with a simular sounding name, don’t go…

2. If you’re the only black dude going, CANCEL!!!! Stay at home! Sure, we might miss your razor sharp whit and bang on comments, but at least you’ll be alive…

3. If you ever go to the Forest of Death and Blood, stay inside the cabin the whole time. Lock yourself in a closet if need be (just don’t jump for joy when you outlive everyone… see point 6.) If you don’t have a cabin, stay in the car with the engine running…

4. If zombies just happen to take over the world, don’t go to the nearest mall… (why do people even do that????)

5. If weird shit starts happening, leave!
Like if your pet starts to get extra blood thirsty or your parents look kinda dead and mutter “brains” or if the cute girl next door is stalking you wearing blood soaked clothes…

6. Never, and I do mean never, celebrate or mention the fact that you came through the whole ordeal alive… You’ll get killed…

7. Don’t drink too much, don’t eat too much, don’t have sex… It’ll get you killed.

8. Don’t be a wise-ass. It’ll get you killed.

9. If the cool kids ask if you want to go on a trip with them, and you normally don’t hang out with them, don’t go… They’ll end up making a fool out of you, you’ll take a walk to cool down and/or change clothes, and psycho-killer will kill you…

10. If psycho-killer seems to be dead, don’t belive it… NUKE THE FUCKER!!!!

11. If a comet crashes nearby… don’t check…

12. Listen to the scary music in the background. It’s a good indicator of how long you have left to live…

13. Don’t have strange rituals in graveyards, you’ll only end up raising somehting bad, and you’ll end up dead…

14. Don’t tell stories about how someone got killed at the very place you are camping. Said person, of a family member, will come and kill you all…

15. If there is a strange thumping sound in a closet or simular… don’t check…

16. Don’t go down to the basement to check something out… especially when the power just went out…

17. DON’T split up, whatever you do… please!

18. If you hear a noise and you find out it’s the cat, RUN!!!

19. If you have the feeling something is behind you, don’t bother to turn around and find out.. just run!

20. Never say “I’ll be right back”… you won’t… The guys will find you later, dead, folded neartly into a lovely bloody bundle in the closet.

21. If you’re a woman, PLEASE don’t scream… It’ll only annoy the audiance so they’ll tell the pshyco-killer where you’re hiding and cheer when he finally kills you…

22. Listen to the audience… They are far smarter than you’ll ever be… Especially listen to them when they say “DON’T GO IN THERE!”… they mean it…

23. If someone tells you “whatever you do, don’t fall asleep”, “Don’t go out there”, “Don’t go looking for the pshyco-killer on your own” please listen to them… I know it’s annoying, but they only mean well. For some odd reason they seem to care about your wellbeeing…

24. If you happen to hit a guy with your car on a desertet, foggy road, just take the poor guy to the hospital. Don’t try to dump his body somewhere… Things will come back and bite you in the ass. Just take him to the hospital. The consequenses will be far more severe if you don’t.

25. If you happen to get killed in the horror movie, make sure it’s a really crap movie… That way they’ll reuse you for something else in a later scene, and you’re back in the movie…

I know there are tons more, so please let me know…