The summary I found about this movie was “King Leonidas and a force of 300 men fight the Persians at Thermopylae in 480 B.C.”
In it self this should (maybe) be something to catch your eye and make you want to watch the movie…
This is my review of this movie… or… play by play, if you will… or… something…
At least.. this is what I remember happened when I watched it… :3
Old guy: Go… go out and become a maaan…
Young sweaty kid: …ok… *gets kicked out of home, goes into the mountains and kills many beasts in a very manly fashion. He then returns home*
Old guy: YOU’RE A MAAAN!
Sweaty man: Ah… life is good… but I have bad feelings… I have to go see the seer on the mountain. *and so he does*
Icky, old looking perv dude: Come… see the seer you must… I’ll translate…
Young, beautiful, yet very naked woman: *memory gap*
Icky, old looking perv dude: Bad news, I’m afraid…
Sweaty man: Damn… *leaves before a mass orgy of old limbs mingled with poor, young, innocent flesh bursts out*
Sweaty man: Ah, wife… I love you… *makes mad love with wife to make himself forget the mental images of said orgy*
Men from somewhere: blah blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: Blah blah blah?
Men from somewhere: blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: Blah?
Men from somewhere: blah blah blah…
Sweaty man: (with the words heard around the world) THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *kicks*
Pit: omnomnomnomnom…
Me: Oh, look… something interesting is on… *switches channel*
Clearly having well oiled muscles won’t keep me interested for very long. I’m sad to say that it takes very little in a movie to make me lose my interest. And then again, it takes very little to make me keep it. Just the kick into the pit made me want to keep watching, but then there was an endless boring part of getting the troops ready. I was sitting/lying on the couch going “OK, they are ready… ATTACK!!!” but no…
Then there’s all the hype about movies. This makes me take a step back, to be honest. If there is hype about a movie, over half the time you end up disappointed… or, at least I do. I get very skeptical when people go “OMIGOSHYOUHAVETOSEETHEMOVIEIT’SSOFUCKINGAMAZING!” because usually we have totally different tastes in good movie. What might seem bad ass to me might seem utterly boring and a total waste of time to others. But this is why the movie industry have more than just one way of making movies.
Edit: I saw the last ten minutes of 300 the other day, and this is what I saw…
Woman and small child in a field, woman gives boy a necklace…. no context what so ever…
Cut to… Oh… Faramir out of armour… he looks kinda good without it… if he didn’t wear it in Lord of the Rings, then just maybe his father would have loved him more… especially if he wore a black speedos…
I mean… he REALLY buffed up… I’ve seen David Wenham out of clothes before (Better than sex, I think the movie was called) and wow…
Then the credits… Really now… it’s like a bloody version of Disney’s Hercules.
I caught a glimps of more of this movie the next night… and… well…
Sweaty guy: Who is this?
Some dude: It’s your son…
Sweaty guy: Oh, you’re right… why is he in this mans army? He hasn’t yet felt the warmth of a woman…
Some dude: True, but he is as old as we were when we fist went to war…
Sweaty guy: Ah, how right you are… that’s why you make such a great army guy…
Me: *switches to something else… TO MUCH TALK!!! JEESH! I have better things to do… LIKE BRUSH MY TEETH!*
Clearly there are something amiss here. When Lionitis (Yes, I know it’s Lionitus, but Lionitis sounds more fun… and has the twang of a horrible illness involving LOADS of hair) was a kid he got kicked out by his father to become A MAN! I can picture LOADS of geeky boys going “Oh, I see… if I slay me a fierce beast I will be a man… and goes out to kill the most horrible dog in the neighborhood, only to come back and watch the rest of the movie… “He’s not a man yet, cause he has not yet felt the warmth of a woman” meaning… he’s not a man yet, cause he hasn’t got laid… and the geeky boys go “NOW I’LL NEVER BECOME A MAN!!!” DX
Thanks movie….
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