Dos and Don’ts of Horror Movies

We’ve all seen horror movies, and we’ve all been annoyed at the stupidity of the people who are in the movies.
So it’s not really a movie review… not a REAL movie review… but I have been thinking about this and it’s always fun to make these kinds of lists… So here we go… this is totally random, btw…

1. If you’re ever invited to the Forest of Death and Blood, or any forest with a simular sounding name, don’t go…

2. If you’re the only black dude going, CANCEL!!!! Stay at home! Sure, we might miss your razor sharp whit and bang on comments, but at least you’ll be alive…

3. If you ever go to the Forest of Death and Blood, stay inside the cabin the whole time. Lock yourself in a closet if need be (just don’t jump for joy when you outlive everyone… see point 6.) If you don’t have a cabin, stay in the car with the engine running…

4. If zombies just happen to take over the world, don’t go to the nearest mall… (why do people even do that????)

5. If weird shit starts happening, leave!
Like if your pet starts to get extra blood thirsty or your parents look kinda dead and mutter “brains” or if the cute girl next door is stalking you wearing blood soaked clothes…

6. Never, and I do mean never, celebrate or mention the fact that you came through the whole ordeal alive… You’ll get killed…

7. Don’t drink too much, don’t eat too much, don’t have sex… It’ll get you killed.

8. Don’t be a wise-ass. It’ll get you killed.

9. If the cool kids ask if you want to go on a trip with them, and you normally don’t hang out with them, don’t go… They’ll end up making a fool out of you, you’ll take a walk to cool down and/or change clothes, and psycho-killer will kill you…

10. If psycho-killer seems to be dead, don’t belive it… NUKE THE FUCKER!!!!

11. If a comet crashes nearby… don’t check…

12. Listen to the scary music in the background. It’s a good indicator of how long you have left to live…

13. Don’t have strange rituals in graveyards, you’ll only end up raising somehting bad, and you’ll end up dead…

14. Don’t tell stories about how someone got killed at the very place you are camping. Said person, of a family member, will come and kill you all…

15. If there is a strange thumping sound in a closet or simular… don’t check…

16. Don’t go down to the basement to check something out… especially when the power just went out…

17. DON’T split up, whatever you do… please!

18. If you hear a noise and you find out it’s the cat, RUN!!!

19. If you have the feeling something is behind you, don’t bother to turn around and find out.. just run!

20. Never say “I’ll be right back”… you won’t… The guys will find you later, dead, folded neartly into a lovely bloody bundle in the closet.

21. If you’re a woman, PLEASE don’t scream… It’ll only annoy the audiance so they’ll tell the pshyco-killer where you’re hiding and cheer when he finally kills you…

22. Listen to the audience… They are far smarter than you’ll ever be… Especially listen to them when they say “DON’T GO IN THERE!”… they mean it…

23. If someone tells you “whatever you do, don’t fall asleep”, “Don’t go out there”, “Don’t go looking for the pshyco-killer on your own” please listen to them… I know it’s annoying, but they only mean well. For some odd reason they seem to care about your wellbeeing…

24. If you happen to hit a guy with your car on a desertet, foggy road, just take the poor guy to the hospital. Don’t try to dump his body somewhere… Things will come back and bite you in the ass. Just take him to the hospital. The consequenses will be far more severe if you don’t.

25. If you happen to get killed in the horror movie, make sure it’s a really crap movie… That way they’ll reuse you for something else in a later scene, and you’re back in the movie…

I know there are tons more, so please let me know…